for you,
i would run a marathon.
eat healthy. stop nagging.
train my biceps. row those 20men boat.
run the full marathon. have the confidence in the world.
have the ability to be wise again.

for you,
i would shield a bullet away from you.
for you,
i would master this and that.
for you,
for you, for you, for you,
i would do anything.

would you, too?

After 25years, I finall plucked the courage to walked out of the life that i see no future in.

the password is ur id.

much love,
the wife

anais nin makes me stronger. her writings makes me realise that i can be better than what i am right now.
i can’t give up. i can never give up on this great gift from god. i need to hold on. hold onto myself. no one
else gives a damn about you but yourself. not even your husband, mother, father, brother or sister. friends,
they dont give a shit about you either. they just assume you are fine when you are pratically not even near to
fine.

this is my gameplan. a gameplan to live. maybe live a few more years and if i can still outlive that plan, i shall replan
my life. i am talking shit. good night.

and today,
after 1year i feel suicidal all over again.
i feel terribly nausea each time i tried to fight back
those tears.

everything seems to be in gray motion. i am fighting back.
terribly fighting it. the taste of milky whiteness still feel fresh
in my throat. it’s like my emotion is being controlled by a remote
controller. when the time is up, i will be down in certain angle.
this irks me terribly much.

oh dear god,
please wake me up when it’s over.

love,
your child.

oh my dear lord,
hello once again. this child of yours is beyond exhausted. she needs a breather. she needs to rest. night shift is turning her into one big pale figure. even during her sleep she can hear the bells ringing and the whispers of her crying patients. please bring forward the days so she can enjoy her much awaited day, 1.1.2010! she is damn excited about the 18.12.2009 too. please hurry the dates.

i promise to run extra mile if u could do that!

luv,
your beautiful child!

oh thee glory days,

how i don’t miss you anymore.

dear nurul,

sleep and smile when you can finally wake up from the dream that you created in the twilight. wake up when you feel it’s time to wake up. touch the world that no one has ever touched it before. breathe the air that is stale to others but fresh to yourself. you are your own bestfriend. your body is afterall a temple of solace. pain and sorrow are momentarily. it comes and go. just like digits that subtract away from your life. you may feel like the end is nearing but the truth its only the begining. catch me tonight at the twilight with my little guardian flickering its brightest light for you. stars do calm u down. song number 7 brighten your soul. good nite and may you wake up in time.

p.apercut&r.azordelight.
Nurul H.A. Darma

and when i told u that i terribly miss is because i had a bad dream.
a dream about you & me.
and yes,i still miss you badly.

papercut&razordelight.
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
yes, i have lost the ability to write.
i have lost the ability to understand myself as a human being.
remind me the next time to NEVER lament about anything to anyone.
you are your own, best friend. *tap herself and sprinkle a little dosage of salt*

and this is the time where i need solace and not company.