dear nurul,

sleep and smile when you can finally wake up from the dream that you created in the twilight. wake up when you feel it’s time to wake up. touch the world that no one has ever touched it before. breathe the air that is stale to others but fresh to yourself. you are your own bestfriend. your body is afterall a temple of solace. pain and sorrow are momentarily. it comes and go. just like digits that subtract away from your life. you may feel like the end is nearing but the truth its only the begining. catch me tonight at the twilight with my little guardian flickering its brightest light for you. stars do calm u down. song number 7 brighten your soul. good nite and may you wake up in time.

p.apercut&r.azordelight.
Nurul H.A. Darma

and when i told u that i terribly miss is because i had a bad dream.
a dream about you & me.
and yes,i still miss you badly.

papercut&razordelight.
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yes, i have lost the ability to write.
i have lost the ability to understand myself as a human being.
remind me the next time to NEVER lament about anything to anyone.
you are your own, best friend. *tap herself and sprinkle a little dosage of salt*

and this is the time where i need solace and not company.

asked me what i want, i can list you more than  1001 of things that I WANT badly and perhaps that is not even important. but as much as i want all the materials in the world, i only need one thing in my present life. i need to possess this sense of happiness that no one can ever robbed it away from me. i want happiness within myself that can outshine that darkness in me. the darkness that would capture and hide me away during my downs&up’s period.
i need nothing except happiness. and till then, i will never stop being who and what i am right now. this liner on my hand is a reminder of me to find a better happiness in me. and thank you for being a part of that happiness. for after so long, i get that happiness that never seems to outshine in me.

thank you, my little stardust.
so now, can you please grant me 3 wishes.
1) 1/1/2010 to quickly come
2) 20/12/2012 to quickly come
3) a new life and a new job and HELLO DIPLOMA!!!!!!!!

ps: some people do procastinate but PRODCUES results. some procastinate and has no result. some DO NOT procastinate  and has result. i am one of the person who procastinate alot yet PRODUCES results.

and the ironic part is that,
the husband to be knows exactly what i want to eat
or drink without having to be told. and as scary as he was
earlier on, he is still adorable. and no, it’s still not a laughing matter.

mind over body so hello bedok reservoir at 330pm. oh, saya sayang awak.
oklie, skg seriously saya nak jump on the bed and read my little booklet to
sleep. 3,4,5,6,7 …5hrs tu..boleh la!

i hate people snipping away my thoughts and words that i plant into this little page or whatsoever pages that bears my name in it. if you like it, take it and credit it. my brains needs credit from lazy humanoids like you. my words and thoughts flow not immediately like how your fury scares the little kid. it comes naturally, this words of mine.

and i am the very notion that implicates people’s minds & thoughts.

thank you. and yes, when things are much simpler you get too comfortable until you forgot that other human are HUMAN too.
and words are just simply words, dont feel too personal with my words as i am not saying it straight to your face, UPYOURS!

too much crying makes you have major headache which refuses to go away despite injecting yourself with greentea & darkness. ohwells, night to the world and hello stars!

” If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it. “  – Anais Nin.

my eyesight is failing me. it’s near to 0230 and i am finally done with the final 30th paperboats that i will personally hand over to my dearest brother who is going to be away for almost a month for the nation. damn you, NATIONAL SLAVERY but at least he will be covered with the essentials of knowledge & perserverance. i love all of them. the three human who is somehow my happy pill with lots of codine in it.

for the very first time in my entire 25th of living in this big ball, i am awake. awake after pushing myself out of the door of a moving car. for a moment, i felt like some stunt actress who somehow failed in her stunt. tssks, emotions run over yourself and you got fired straight into the mouth-hole. inspiration comes, inspiration goes. thank you, husband to be who never stops giving me endless inspiration and motivation that somehow awakes my soul. my oh-so-dead-soul apparently woken up today after massive attack from the PTI who suddenly runs away from you.

Oh, i love thee. thank you fyer for teaching me the art of doing paperboats within 3seconds. totally delirious. my mind is tired. i need sleep. tomorrow the 4th week of perm night, 11 more weeks to go for the semi-big day. approximately 3months before i say “goodbye” to the hell and “hello” to a better heaven.

sometimes, i wish things would be the same again but i guess the present will be a better haven for me.

dear god,

thank you for this special gift that you
gave onto me. as much as i feel that i deserve it,
i think i am not up for it. the responsibility & faith
is too strong and highly anticipated for my own usage.

i fear the darkness more than any human being. i am scared
of my very own shadow. i get a little too paranoid at my own targeted
time. my ear drum listens to the hums  that no one else could hear.
my eyesight refuses to see things that are normal but would marvel
at this things that you insisted to make me grow up as a proper
MUSLIMAH.

Ya Allah, berkati la insan mu ini. maafinla aku.
aku hanya seorang manusia yg sungguh penuh dengan dosa.
 Ya Allah, dekatkanla diriku padamu. Ampunkan la kepada
segala dosa yg telah ku bikin selama ini.

Ya Allah, sedarkan la dirinya & aku. Sesungguhnya suatu hari nanti,
akan aku bisa menjadi seorang ibu & isteri yg soleha.
Ya Allah, terima kasih atas segala ujian yg telah kamu berikan kepada
umat mu ini.

dear god,
i am still very terrified over it. i can still hear her voice. loud and clear.
high pitched shrieking. Ya Allah…ALLAH Maha Besar.

insan mu,
nurul darma

nostalgic moments; we love thee!

2years ago, when the world seems a little too dark for me this band came into my life.
they brought happiness and a little of those important inspiration that somehow help
me getting out of the bed and get on with life. they brought back the smile and laughter.

yes, i am feeling damn alright. yes i still do see the darkness creeping at my little feet but
i know this time, i have that little doraemon by side to hold me tightly whenever i feel like
going down into the darkhole. thank you, THE Rebelution.